'I Was More Afraid of Being Sober Than I Was of Dying'

November 20, 2025

• Morgan Ausra, Benton Harbor resident and South patient, started using pain pills around 13
• After overdosing more than 20 times, going to jail for drug use, and almost losing her home, she started her sobriety journey with the help of Max Schaefer, DO
• Morgan has been sober for over two years. She wants people to know that stigma “is life or death for a lot of people” and recovery looks different for everyone
• The Niles substance use treatment and education center helps people like Morgan by offering counseling, medication, referrals, and more
• “There are people that care and there are people that want to help. You just have to be willing to take that first step,” Morgan said

Morgan said she didn’t realize she had a problem until things got out of control in her 20s. It also came as a surprise to many of her family members. She received good grades in school while using drugs and was high functioning, so people didn’t know anything was wrong.

Dr. Schaefer said many who have substance use disorders are considered successful professionally. He regularly cares for people across a spectrum, from those experiencing homelessness to people with homes and stable jobs, teenagers to people in their 70s.

“It hits everyone and it can present differently in everyone,” he said.

Morgan remembers the first time she took a pill. She loved it. It made her feel warm and not care about things she was struggling with.

Even after overdosing and seeing someone she cared about overdose and almost die, she couldn’t stop. Something would always pull her back in.

“When I was in that position, I was pushing down so much pain and emotion that an overdose definitely was not scary to me at all,” she said. “I was more afraid of being sober than I was of dying.”

But with that high came the lows. When she wasn’t using opiates, the withdrawal was horrible. She couldn’t eat anything. She was nauseous. She was sweating. It was like having the flu nonstop.

Morgan eventually went to jail for drug use and when she got out she realized what she would lose if she continued on this path. She would lose her family, her dog, her house.

“I finally got it through my head, like, if I don't stop, I'm gonna lose everything,” she said.

She was finally able to find a good rehabilitation facility, Dr. Schaefer and his team, and “that's what changed everything.”

Dr. Schaefer recalled an appointment he had with Morgan over two years ago to talk about treatment options. Later that night, he saw she was coding in the emergency room.

“I was just honest and told her, ‘Morgan, you're going to die if you keep doing this,’” he said.

Addiction is a chronic, treatable medical condition, similar to other conditions treated in primary care. And like other specialties, patients don’t always take their doctor’s advice.

But for addiction, the risks can be much higher.

“One wrong use or a lapse at the wrong time and place and it can be game over,” he said.

It takes time to build trust with patients with substance use disorders. There’s a lot of stigma, and they haven’t always been treated well by health care professionals, he said.

Dr. Schaefer said it takes a special team of people to make the substance use disorder education and treatment center work. From his partner Cicely Moreno, MD, to the team’s front desk staff, social worker, care manager, and medical assistant, they all work together to break down barriers and help people talk about their addiction without fear of stigma.

“People who use drugs deserve to have high-quality medical care,” he said. “We’re here for you. We will show up when you’re ready, but the decision has to be the patient’s. This doesn't work if the patient’s not ready.”

Dr. Schaefer said people need to understand that addiction isn’t a moral failing, nor does it come from a desire to bring harm to others.

“It’s a lot more complicated than that,” he said. “There are triggers everywhere.”

Recovery is a process. It’s about finding ways for you to cope and figure out what works for you, then stick with it, Morgan said.

“Every day is hard,” she said. “There’s not one way to recover, and you can do it with or without medical help. You stay recovering. You don't have to go to meetings, just do whatever makes you sober, whatever keeps you alive.

“But there are people that care and there are people that want to help. You just have to be willing to take that first step.”

Morgan says her whole life is different today. She used to sleep all the time, lying in bed and watching TV all day. Now she’s a manager at her job, which starts at 6 am, and makes plenty of time to walk her dog, Max.

“I never thought that I would be this person,” she said. “But it’s such a great feeling.”

“Our patients are tough,” Dr. Schaefer said. “They’re smart. They’re doing things despite, frankly, the stigma in health care, in society in general, making everything harder.”

Morgan wants other people to know recovery is possible and resources are available. She said many people in her community can be helped by Dr. Schaefer and the resources provided by the Niles substance use treatment and education center, which opened earlier this year.

“The biggest thing is people who use drugs are so used to the stigma and being judged and being looked at like they’re not human beings,” she said. “When you go somewhere where somebody actually cares, it really makes a huge difference.”